5 Things Christian Parents Should Pray For Their Adult Children

It can sometimes feel like parenting duties end the moment our children grow into adults and walk out our front door to start their own lives. But parenting is a calling that goes on for life.

Yes, responsibilities change and, in one aspect, diminish, given that we no longer have the main job of providing for our adult children.

But then a new responsibility comes in. I haven't personally crossed that threshold of being a parent to an adult myself, but my parents did. And they were a blessing to me.

As a parent to an adult, do you take time to pray for your children? The truth is that they probably need it more than ever now.

Here are five areas to lift up to God for when praying for your adult children.

2. Wisdom And DiscernmentWe must pray that our children walk in this understanding.

As parents, you were once not just a source of material provision for your children but also a source of wisdom and sound judgment for your child. But as they grow, they need to build wisdom on their own. And one way they can constantly grow wiser is through the Holy Spirit. We can stand in the gap and intercede for our children to walk in the wisdom of the Holy Spirit.

3. Provision

When our children grow up, their bank accounts will no longer be ours, and it can sometimes be a struggle to watch them hurt for money. But in all this, we must remember that it is God who gives the ability to produce wealth (Deuteronomy 8:18) and we must pray for that for our children.

4. Purpose And Direction

Psalm 127:4 says, "Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth."

Like arrows, our children have targets, and our goal in life is to direct them to those targets. Many times the best—and, sometimes, the only—way we can do that is through prayer.

5. Deeper Intimacy With Jesus

More than their relationship with you as their parent or guardian, what matters most is our children's relationship with Jesus. We can and should pray for our children to experience more of Jesus on a daily basis so they can learn to walk more and more in Him on a daily basis.

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Witches Organise 'Mass Spell To Bind Donald Trump'

Donald J Trump has survived mass protests at airports, accusations of infiltration by Russia and wholesale condemnation from other world leaders.

But a new sort of action against him is taking place on Friday of completely different nature.

Witches around the world are being urged to join a 'mass spell to bind Donald Trump' on February 24.

The 'Bind Trump' resistance has more than 4,000 supporters on its Facebook page and lays out how the spell is to be cast at 'midnight on every waning crescent moon until he is removed from office'.

The Bind Trump movement was lambasted by Christian Nationalists as 'the Left organizing their own religious display'

Participants are told: 'This binding spell is open source, and may be modified to fit your preferred spiritual practice or magical system — the critical elements are the simultaneity of the working and the mass energy of participants.'

The event details liturgy to use and all the props needed for the voodoo spell including a 'unflattering photo of Trump', a 'tower tarot card', a 'tiny stub of an orange candle' and a 'pin or small nail'.

This is not the first time witches have come together against Trump. A protest in mid-September was filmed and posted to YouTube.

On the other end of the spectrum, a group from ChristianNationalism.com are countering the protest with prayer.

Kevin Ambrose writes: 'While this sort of magical attack on believers and servants of God is nothing new this instance stands out to me because they are attempting to enlist the aid of non-religious liberals. These people, mostly young, who may be riled up by the non-stop media attacks on President Trump are a fertile recruiting ground for Satanic groups.'

He adds: 'This is a declaration of spiritual war and it requires a response. As such the Christian Nationalist Alliance is announcing a Day of Prayer on each of these days. We beseech all Christian soldiers to answer this call to action by reading from Psalm 23. We ask you to join us in praying for the strength of our nation, our elected representatives and for the souls of the lost who would take up Satanic arms against us.'

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Why Trudy Harrison's Victory In Copeland Is A Win For Traditional English Values

Trudy Harrison, the new MP for Copeland.

'How mad I am, sad I am, glad that you won.'

I can't get these famous words by John Betjeman out of my head this morning.


'With carefullest carelessness, gaily you won,
 I am weak from your loveliness, Joan Hunter Dunn.'

Nor can some in the Conservative Party, judging by the jubilant tweets since Trudy Harrison became Copeland's first Conservative MP since 1935 – the first time a ruling party has won a by-election since 1982.

We don't know much about Trudy Harrison, as Paul Goodman has pointed out at Conservative Home.

But one thing we do know is that she likes taking tea – in tea rooms. And she also likes a bit of spice in her life.

'My favourite place in the world to eat is the Byre Tea Rooms in Bootle, nutritious and very delicious but if we are looking for something in the evening I would really be torn between Da Vinci's or something a bit hot from Curry Spice,' she said in a recent Q&A.

Tea. Tea rooms. Vicarages. Dappled evening sunlight in the summer dusk. But also a love for the spice of life.

This is not just Betjeman. It is also Rupert Brooke:

'The lies, and truths, and pain? . . . oh! yet
Stands the Church clock at ten to three?
And is there honey still for tea?'

The lies, the truth, the pain of Brexit and its opponents. Of what is happening in America. Of the terrors in the Middle East.

And now we have Trudy Harrison – seeming so much in the mould of the prime minister, Theresa May. Can we dare to hope that these women represent some kind of hope for the future for our troubled and frightened country?

Theresa May is the Tories' not so secret weapon. But perhaps the faith aspect of her success seems something of a secret, because she is so private about it. So very British.

While we know May goes to church on Sundays, we know very little about exactly how she believes, or why. Many of us, including myself, have faith embedded in the depths of our souls that is born of terrible trauma.

We are those who have tried life without God, and life with God, and know which we prefer.

In an era when so much personal tragedy is played out in public, Theresa May epitomises an old-fashioned Anglican faith that has no fear of the public devotion – the Sunday churchgoing. But the what and why of the private side of that faith is, rightly, kept private.

In this as in so much else, she is exemplary. As our world trembles around us, with old familiar certainties seeming to disappear perhaps forever, it is so comforting to know there are women such as Trudy Harrison and Theresa May, giving their all to community service and taking tea in Bootle.

UKIP has successfully exploited for years this fear of a disappearing English style of life.

Could it be that Theresa May, and now Trudy Harrison, have pulled that rug out from under them?

These dignified Conservative women have no need to reduce the argument to a home-grown form of terror of some nameless wolf in the forest. Instead, they show simply by being who they are that this life has not gone.

Traditional Englishness, with its inherent traditions of goodness, faith, service – and tea – endures still, even in regions so much on the edge such as Copeland.

For too long, we have been living with male politicians bigging up the fear of our beloved style of life, so English, so Betjeman, so Rupert Brooke, disappearing from Britain.

Well of course it has to change. It is changing. But we can perhaps dare to start to hope that while changing, it need not vanish entirely.

In Theresa May, in Trudy Harrison, we can trust in a future where good things can continue to happen. A future where it is possible to welcome the stranger to our land. To work with people of other faiths and no faith in voluntary service to build social capital. We know this is possible, because these women are doing it – and against the odds, they are winning.

It's not all sunlight and roses of course.

There's still Hillaire Belloc:

'And always keep ahold of nurse – For fear of finding something worse.'

The Church of England might no longer be the Conservative Party at prayer. But these victorious Conservative women are surely the answer to the prayers of the nation. They are like the Queen. They're even a bit like Joan of Arc – like Joan Hunter Dunn. We need to treasure them and vote for them when we have the chance.

The alternatives are so very, very much worse.

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Trump's Team Is In Disarray, US Senator McCain Tells Europe

Republican Senator John McCain broke with the reassuring message that US officials visiting Germany have sought to convey on their debut trip to Europe, saying on Friday that the administration of President Donald Trump was in 'disarray'.

McCain, a known Trump critic, told the Munich Security Conference that the resignation of the new president's security adviser Michael Flynn over his contacts with Russia reflected deep problems in Washington.

US Senator John McCain speaks at the opening of the 53rd Munich Security Conference in Munich, February 17, 2017.

'I think that the Flynn issue obviously is something that shows that in many respects this administration is in disarray and they've got a lot of work to do,' said McCain, even as he praised Trump's defence secretary.

'The president, I think, makes statements (and) on other occasions contradicts himself. So we've learned to watch what the president does as opposed to what he says,' he said.

European governments have been unsettled by the signals sent by Trump on a range of foreign policy issues ranging from NATO and Russia to Iran, Israel and European integration.

The debut trip to Europe of Trump's Defense Secretary Jim Mattis and Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, to a meeting of G20 counterparts in Bonn, went some way to assuaging concerns as they both took a more traditional US position.

But Trump is wrestling with a growing controversy at home about potential ties between his aides and Russia, which he dismissed on Thursday as a 'ruse' and 'scam' perpetrated by a hostile news media.

Mattis made clear to allies, both at NATO in Brussels and in Munich, that the United States would not retreat from leadership as the European continent grapples with an assertive Russia, wars in eastern and southern Mediterranean countries and attacks by Islamist militants.

US Vice President Mike Pence will address the Munich conference on Saturday with a similar message of reassurance.

Pence will say that Europe is an 'indispensable partner' for the United States, a senior White House foreign policy adviser told reporters.

Mattis told a crowd that included heads of state and more than 70 defence ministers that Trump backed NATO.

'President Trump came into office and has thrown now his full support to NATO. He too espouses NATO's need to adapt to today's strategic situation for it to remain credible, capable and relevant,' Mattis said.

Mattis said the United States and its European allies had a shared understanding of the challenges ahead. Trump has alarmed allies by expressing admiration for Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Mattis, however, has spoken out strongly against Russia while in Europe. After talks with NATO allies in Brussels on Thursday, he said that he did not believe it would be possible to collaborate militarily with Moscow, at least for now.

The Europeans may need more convincing that Washington stands with it on a range of security issues.

'There is still a lot of uncertainty,' Sebastian Kurz, Austria's foreign minister, told reporters. 'The big topic in Munich is looking to the USA to see which developments to expect next.'

'No illusions'

European intelligence agencies have warned that Russia is also seeking to destabilise governments and influence elections across Europe with cyber attacks, fake news and propaganda and by funding far-right political parties.

'We should be under no illusions about the step-change in Russian behavior over the last couple of years, even after Crimea,' British defence minister Michael Fallon said, referring to Moscow's 2014 annexation of the Ukrainian peninsula.

'We have seen a step-change in Russian military aggression, but also in propaganda, in misinformation and a succession of persistent attacks on Western democracies, interference in a whole series of elections including...the United States.'

NATO Secretary-General Jens Stoltenberg held talks with Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov in Munich, seeing progress on encouraging Moscow to be more open about its military exercises that the alliance says are unpredictable.

Russia says it is the Western alliance, not Moscow, that is destabilising Europe by sending troops to its western borders.

'We have different views,' Stoltenberg said of the crisis in Ukraine, where the West accuses the Kremlin of arming separatist rebels in a conflict that has killed 10,000 people since April 2014. Russia says the conflict is a civil war.

In the latest incident, Lithuanian prosecutors have opened a criminal investigation into a false report of rape by German soldiers stationed there on a NATO mission to deter Russia.

Mattis, without explicitly citing the case, rallied to the defence of German forces as he spoke in the German city of Munich. 'I have great respect for Germany's leadership in Europe – and for the ethical performance of your troops on the battlefield,' he said.

US intelligence agencies concluded last year that Russia hacked and leaked Democratic emails during the election campaign as part of an effort to tilt the vote in Trump's favor.

McCain acknowledged concern in Europe and beyond that America was 'laying down the mantle of global leadership' and cited global trends he found disturbing, including hardening resentment toward immigrants and an unwillingness to separate truth from lies.

McCain urged the forum not to give up on the United States.

'Make no mistake, my friends: These are dangerous times, but you should not count America out, and we should not count each other out,' McCain said.

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Why We Should Not Take Ourselves Too Seriously: 7 Fun Looks At Evangelical Christian Culture

The Christian subculture always needs a little mockery to stay healthy.

No one in life should take themselves too seriously, and certainly not Christians. The Church has a beautiful, radical, profound message to share with the world, one that should be celebrated and taken seriously. But the Church also participates in a lot of silliness that from time to time just needs to be called out, and somehow evangelical Christians seem to be the most ripe for lampooning.

Here are seven fun videos that lovingly but provocatively mock evangelical Christian subculture. It's 500 years since the Reformation, when Martin Luther first called out the Church of the day for how it was going wrong. With his '95 theses' you might say Luther really coined what became the millennial obsession with 'lists' that put the world to rights. We're just carrying on the tradition.

1. The modern church service

Evangelicals may like to reject the 'liturgy' and 'religious traditions' that other denominations might rely on, but they've made plenty of their own in contemporary worship services. All the usual suspects are here, from the hip pastor to the pretentious preacher, and the resounding chorus of 'This is the closing song, with strings that will make you cry.'

 2. Shoot Christians say
This glorious assembly of ridiculous sayings and tropes from the contemporary Christian world is a joy to behold. If you've never seen these before, then bless you.
'I think he's backsliding...Hows your heart?'

3. The Evangelism Linebacker

Some people have the gift of evangelism, and are able to share their faith in a loving, thoughtful and compelling way. Others take a more direct approach, and the admirably zealous 'Evangalism linebacker' shows why furious Bible-bashing (or tackling someone into a wall) can be a little unhelpful. But hey, he gets results.

4. St Patrick's bad analogies

This brilliantly sharp piece from 'Lutheran Satire' makes fun of just how hard it is to understand and explain the doctrine of the Trinity without getting it horribly wrong. Poor St Patrick gets schooled by some Irish peasants for his constant heretical attempts to describe how God can be one, in three persons. It's really quite educational.

5. Why men shouldn't be pastors
This slightly more provocative video shows takes reasoning often used to show why women shouldn't be pastors to explain why in fact men should not be pastors. Some will disagree with the conclusion of course, but it's at least a fun reminder not to use certain nonsensical clichés when talking about such a sensitive topic.

6. How to write a worship song

This witty tutorial teaches you how to write a classic Christian worship song. As it says: 'One thing in your song should always be on fire. Be it our hearts, our souls, this generation...something needs to be in flames.'

7. Christian Tingle

Ever struggled with the concept of Christian dating and relationships? 'Christian Tingle' delightfully lampoons just how awkward, cheesy and cringe-worthy the enterprise can be.

'If you're looking for someone to date, other than Jesus, look no further than ChristianTingle.com...because God can use the internet too.'
  
You can follow @gozpelworld on Twitter

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3 Things We Can Learn from The Prodigal Son's Brother

In Luke 15, we read the famous story of the prodigal son. Almost every Christian, if not all, knows how the prodigal son disrespected his father, went away and squandered all the wealth he "inherited" while his father was still alive, and eventually returned to his home after realising the wrong he had done.

One thing that many Christians often fail to include in the story is the prodigal son's brother. In Luke 15:25-27, we read how he was introduced:

    "Now his older son was in the field. As he came and drew near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked what this meant. He said to him, 'Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him safe and sound.'"

Although the older brother was mentioned quite late in the story, he is not left out, signifying that he is worth noting and that we can learn from his example in the Bible.

Here are some things we can learn from the prodigal son's older brother.

1. You can be a Christian and yet harbour wrong thoughts and intentions about other Christians especially those who backslid

Verses 28-30 tells us how the older brother responded to the celebration his father threw for the son who returned:

    "He was angry and would not go in. Therefore his father came out and entreated him. But he answered his father, 'Look! These many years have I served you. Nor have I ever transgressed your commands, yet never have you given me a goat, so that I might be merry with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your living with harlots, you killed the fattened calf for him.'"

2. You can be a Christian and still fail to maximise your relationship with the Father

Verse 31 tells us how the father responded to his son's complaining: "He said to him, 'Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours."

As children of God, we are blessed with all the spiritual blessings in Christ. Whether we enjoy them or not depends on our relationship with our heavenly Father.

3. You can be a child of God and still live like a slave

Let's look at verse 29: "But he answered his father, 'Look! These many years have I served you. Nor have I ever transgressed your commands, yet never have you given me a goat, so that I might be merry with my friends."

We might fail to notice this, but some of us could be living as slaves of God, not as His children. As His children, our motivation to serve Him is because we love Him. We don't seek rewards; We seek Him who wants to reward us. Our priority is His lordship over us and our loving relationship with Him as our Father.

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Could This Be The End For Britain's Ugliest Cathedral?

Guildford Cathedral

 

Guildford Cathedral, the 20th century redbrick structure condemned by critics as 'looking half finished', faces possible closure.

The Grade-2* listed cathedral, which is in financial crisis with an annual deficit of up to £100,000, is on Stag Hill, where kings used to ride to hunt deer. It now overlooks the University of Surrey.

The plan to build 134 homes on land neighbouring the cathedral was intended to replenish the coffers.

But councillors at a planning meeting were told that the new homes would give the cathdral £2 million and an annual income of a few hundred thousand pounds, falling well short of the £17.2 million needed to save it.

Bishop of Guildford Andrew Watson told the meeting: 'The truth is this: that the cathedral faces the real possibility, in fact probability, of financial failure, of closing its doors, if this planning permission is not granted.'

Dean of Guildford Dianna Gwilliams said: 'There is no plan B, we welcome more than 90,000 people a year and the running cost of the building is immense,' according to the local website, Guildford Dragon which reported the meeting

The Dragon also quoted Richard Vary, a judge and a local resident, who said: 'It's accepted that this development does not comply with planning guidelines: poorly laid out, lacking green space, less than optimal living environment, overlooking neighbours, significantly exceeding the Local Plan.'

 

Just three councillors voted against a motion to refuse the planning application.

Guildford became a diocese in 1927. The cathedral was designed by architect Sir Edward Maufe. Work began in 1936 but war-time and other delays held back completion until May 1961, during which Holy Trinity church in the city served as the temporary cathedral.

If the cathedral closes for good, Holy Trinity is most likely to become its replacement.

Holy Trinity is far more conducive to the style of new church as witnessed in the Fresh Expressions  initiatives which now make up more than 15 per cent of church communities. An example in the Guildford diocese is the café church of St Paul's, Dorking, which takes place on the first Sunday of the month and where juice, hot chocolate, tea, coffee, croissants and cakes are served, with music playing and 

Bishop of Guildford Andrew                   Sunday newspapers to enjoy.

Watson outside the cathedral, 

which faces possible closure                                                       

Such churches attract young people and families and could not be further removed from Guildford Cathedral, a building which, in spite of the best efforts of clergy and volunteers, is more like an afterthought on top of a hill than an invitation to meet Jesus.

One way it was financed was by inviting people to 'buy a brick' for Guildford.

In his new book, England's Cathedrals, former Times editor Simon Jenkins writes: 'As a child, I "bought a brick" for Guildford. When later taken to see it in place, I was mortified. It was lost among millions of bricks, among cliffs of interminable, relentless brickwork. Disappointment still hangs about this place, lonely on its hill outside the town.

'Cars stream along the A3 below, scarcely noticing. Even the approach road has been likened to the entrance to a crematorium.'

Jenkins gave it just one star in his five-star cathedral ratings guide in the book, making it equal bottom with others such as Derby and Bradford, and also Brentwood Roman Catholic Cathedral.

The cathedral chapter said in a statement: 'Clearly we are disappointed by the decision reached by Guildford Borough Council. As Trustees, members of the Guildford cathedral chapter have a responsibility to consider all options open to securing the Cathedral's long-term future. We will carefully consider the reasons for refusal before deciding the next steps.'

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5 Bible verses that will help make your day blissful

Every day is a blessing to each and every one of us. No matter what we feel, there's always something to look forward to with each time the sun rises. It's a new day, and it's just right we face it with hope in the Lord.

Many of us don't agree that every day is a good day. Some of us experience something bad that ruins our day. Some of us don't want to get out of bed, thinking that the problem starts when we wake up. The truth is that,

    "This is the day that the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it" (Psalm 118:24).

Today (and each day that follows) is a blessing to you and me from the Lord. Let's all live it in thankfulness.

If you are looking for a reason to have hope and face the day with a smile, the Bible has many reasons for you. Here are some verses that will kickstart your day every day.

Psalm 30:4-5 – "Sing to the Lord, O you saints of His, and give thanks at the remembrance of His holiness. For His anger endures but a moment, in His favor is life; weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." (Pixabay)
Lamentations 3:22-26 – "It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed; His compassions do not fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in Him." The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that a man should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." (Pixabay)
Psalm 59:16-17 – "But I will sing of Your power; I will sing aloud of Your lovingkindness in the morning, for You have been my refuge and escape in the day of my trouble. To You, O my strength, I will sing, for God is my refuge, and the God of my lovingkindness."

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Vietnamese Buddhist Farmer Turns to Christ and Becomes an Evangelist After Jesus Heals His Wife

Newly baptised Vietnamese Christians hold candles at a church in Hoa Binh, Vietnam.

The miraculous healing of one woman in Hanoi led to a remarkable Christian awakening in predominantly Buddhist Vietnam led by a farmer named Dao Sanh.

Recalling how it all began, Dao Sanh said in August 1996 his wife, Han, suddenly suffered a series of violent and painful convulsions resulting in the paralysis of the right side of her body, according to God Reports. He sought the help of Buddhist monks who chanted prayers and healing mantras for his wife. But their prayers were useless as his wife remained paralysed and had great difficulty in talking.

Days later, a group of Christian missionaries arrived. They prayed over Dao Sanh's wife Han. Lo and behold, three days later, Han rose from her sick bed, completely healed.

The Buddhist couple was amazed and overwhelmed upon being told for the first time about Jesus Christ, the Son of God who was sent to earth to sacrifice Himself on the cross so that the world could be saved and was later resurrected.

Dao Sanh and his wife eventually embraced Christ, fully giving their lives to Him.

The power of the Holy Spirit was such that Dao Sanh even felt the call to preach the gospel to the hundreds of villages in Hanoi and surrounding areas.

Even without formal training, he went to the market and began preaching. At first he was ignored and then derided as a crazy man and a fanatic.

But Dao Sanh persevered, driven by his passion for Jesus. He began attracting people who listened to him attentively. His listeners grew in number, causing Buddhist leaders to feel threatened. They filed complaints to the police who subsequently arrested him for "causing a disturbance, inciting rebellion, threatening the public."

He was later released from prison, with a warning never to preach again.

But the next day, he was back at his usual spot in the market, preaching the gospel to a crowd of people.

The police arrested and detained him a number of times but were unable to stop him from preaching each time he was released. He was intermittently arrested and jailed for 13 years.

Being locked up in prison did not prevent him from preaching. In fact his evangelisation work was made even easier since he literally had a captive audience in prison.

Many released prisoners returned to their homes as new men reborn in Christ, thanks to Dao Sanh's work.

Vietnamese officials were at a loss on how to stop him from preaching, since he could do it even inside prison. They eventually decided to release him and—to Dao Sanh's utter amazement—even gave him a "licence" to preach Christianity, not just in Hanoi but throughout Vietnam.

The following year after his release from prison, Dao Sanh and his fellow evangelists were able to build 60 new churches.

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God Heals Girl Born With Bent Feet, Sparking Growth Of Church In Vietnam

Workers construct a church in a remote area in Vietnam.

One miraculous healing has fuelled a Christian revival in Vietnam, a communist-ruled Southeast Asian country.

It started when a Christian missionary, joined by five local pastors, prayed over a two-year-old girl named Mai, who was born with bent feet and could not even stand, much less walk, according to a Christian Aid Mission (CAM) report.

Doctors in Ho Chi Minh City, formerly Saigon in south Vietnam, had given up on the baby, saying the abnormality could not be corrected.

But Mai's parents wouldn't take "no" for an answer. They decided to invite the pastors holding a training session in the hospital to see what they could do with their child.

A day after the pastors prayed over Mai, her parents were stunned when they saw their child stand up and walk about one metre before she was brought back to her bed.

Brimming with hope, the parents asked the pastors to pray for their child again.

The result was quick: Mai was able to walk a few more metres.

Her parents asked the pastors to pray once more for her before they return to their home in Dak Lak province.

"Not long after that, Mai was able to stand, walk and run like a normal child," one of the pastors told CAM. "Hallelujah! This is a great miracle, that God healed a girl with a birth defect in her feet."

The story didn't end there. News about Mai's healing spread, helping spark new church growth in Vietnam.

Moreover, Mai's miraculous healing spurred the wife of a local pastor to share the gospel with hospital patients, noting that patients who respond to the gospel are more open to receiving prayer for healing, CAM reported.

In two days, a local ministry worker who visited patients in four cancer treatment hospitals in Hanoi, Vietnam's capital, "saw 50 people receive Christ," CAM's ministry director revealed.

In a previous report, a paralysed Vietnamese woman was also miraculously healed of her ailment after a group of Christian missionaries prayed over her.

The miracle overwhelmed the Buddhist couple, prompting them to give up Buddha and embrace Christ instead. The husband even became a dedicated preacher who, despite being arrested several times for his preaching, was able to effectively spread God's Word to his countrymen, leading to the establishment of 60 new churches in Vietnam.

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To Go To Church, Or To Not Go To Church: 3 Reasons Why Committing To Church Is Important

The Church, the body of believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, is composed of people as varied as how God created them to be – men and women, young and old, athletic and not, artistic and not, introverted or extroverted – all of them loved by God. Yes, that's the church.

Despite the love that God pours out so generously in the church, and the large number of people inside the church willing to give to others the overflow of love that God gives, many people just stop going to church. Why is that so?

Why Stop Going?

Many people who leave their church do so for various reasons. Some of them leave due to problems with church members; some leave because they need to relocate to another place for work or study; some leave because of personal preferences; and some leave simply because they don't see in action what they hear being preached on Sundays.

Whatever the reason, the fact is that there's a large number of people who have left their church. Sadly, some of them aren't coming back.

These people are missing out on fellowship, a community of people who can give them support in different areas of their lives, and a family to belong to.

Why You Should Go

This brings me to the reason why I wrote this article. While the church is on the lookout for newcomers every Sunday, the Lord Himself is on the lookout for lost sheep who have left the fold. They are the former members who have left, and God is looking for them.

If you're one of the lost sheep I am talking about, I want to encourage you to pray to God for a new family of faith in Him. You might not want to return to your old church, and so you need a new one. Here are some reasons why committing to a church family is important.

1. Fellowship

The early church, as seen in the Book of Acts, had constant fellowship, which is defined as a "friendly association, especially with people who share one's interests." Those who believe in the Lord Jesus Christ should go with fellow believers so that they can encourage one another to continue in the faith.

Your fellowships will say exactly what your interests are. Go with those who love the Lord.

2. Community

While almost similar to "fellowship" in definition, the idea of community conjures an image of people having things in common, synonymous to "neighbourhood." Christians who commune with one another share in the grace and love that God supplies for one another.

Community also implies having "shelter," a place where one can find a safe place to be open and vulnerable. It's crucial that you can find a church where you can be yourself and give yourself in service.

3. Family

Lastly, churches provide family. Those who believe in Christ are brothers and sisters to each other, having none other than God as their Father.

Having a spiritual family in church will greatly help in your walk in Christ. These people will encourage you and help you grow more Christ-like with each day.

Pursue God, Not The Church

Friends, it would be wise to know that no church on earth is perfect. Every church is composed of grace-needing humans, and so conflict and some amount of discomfort might happen. Instead of thinking about that, just pursue God Himself. He's the real reason you go to church anyway.

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Muslims Outnumber Christians At Over 30 Church Schools In England

Prince Charles laughs with pupils as he leaves Belle Vue Girls School in Bradford, northern England. Reports indicate that many of England's traditionally Christian Church schools feature majority Muslim students.

Muslim students outnumber Christians in more than 30 church schools in England, according to new reports.

St Thomas in Werneth, Oldham – a Church of England School - has a "100 per cent Muslim population", with no Christian pupils, The Times reports. Staincliffe CofE Junior School  in Batley, West Yorkshire, states that 98 per cent of its pupils "come from a Muslim background".

The Church of England estimated that about 20 if its schools hosted more Muslim than Christian students, while the Catholic Education Service (CES) reported that 15 of its schools had Muslim pupils in the majority, with one school where nine out of 10 pupils were Muslim. The CES said that the change is due to the increasing immigration of Muslim communities into areas that used to be predominantly Christian.

Some Church schools reflect this makeup in their practice, for example including Islamic prayers in their services, while All Saints Church of England Primary in Bradford sells hijabs to its pupils. Emphasis may be put on observing Islamic as well as Christian festivals, or making pupils' time off coincide with the Muslim festival of Eid.

The tension arises in particular because Church schools – both Anglican and Catholic – receive government funding and are expected to feature a daily act of Christian worship. The disproportionate demographic figures have led some to suggest that these Church schools should become secular institutions.

Professor Alan Smithers, the director of the centre for education at the University of Buckingham, said: "The Church of England has traditionally provided education in this country but now that risks being an uncomfortable experience for the Muslim pupils that fill many of these schools.

"It must also be very confusing for the handful of Christian pupils in some of them. It would seem logical these schools become secular institutions."

The Church of England's chief education officer, the Rev Nigel Genders, said that at Bishop Bridgeman CofE Primary School in Bolton 90 per cent of pupils were Muslim "yet it feels like a Church of England school".

He added: "It goes back to the principle that we are not faith schools serving a Christian population but Church schools serving the local community."

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'I Felt Blood Trickling Down My Legs': Victim Of Alleged Beatings By Man Who Ran Christian Summer Camps Testifies To The Horror

John Smyth, who now lives in South Africa and campaigns on morality, is at the centre of the allegations

A victim of alleged physical abuse by a prominent Çhristian lawyer has given an extraordinary testimony of the effect that thousands of beatings had upon him.

He was speaking after a series of disclosures by Channel 4 News about allegations of physical abuse  inflicted on young male evangelical Christians by barrister John Smyth, who ran popular Christian summer camps attended also by the present Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby.

Speaking anonymously to the Telegraph, the victim, now 56, says he has contacted the police as a result of the Channel 4 reports.

Describing how it began, he says that as a "pretty" boy he was frequently molested by other boys at his prep and public schools.

He met Smyth at his school's Christian Forum. Desperately homesick, Smyth spotted his vulnerability. 

When he was 14, Smyth began to ask him back to his house nearby. When he was 16, Smyth asked him to follow him to a shed that doubled as the changing room for his swimming pool, and then told him to take off all his clothes.

"He was a renowned and brilliant barrister and involved in some of the most famous cases of the time. But somehow he always found time for our forum meetings and afterwards chatted with us boys over coffee," the victim writes.

He describes how Smyth built up his trust and became like a father figure.

"The beatings were Smyth's big secret. It was in January 1977, when I reached 16, that Smyth first introduced the topic of being beaten by him. Quoting from the Bible – Hebrews in particular – he said it wasn't enough to repent your sins; that they needed to be purged by beatings. I had to bleed for Jesus.

"He was particularly interested in the usual teenage stuff – masturbation, indecent thoughts, pornographic magazines … That got my attention immediately. I was a 16-year-old boy, after all, newly over the age of consent. Sex was what I thought about most of the time.

"But as I took my clothes off in that garden shed, I slowly realised that sex was not what Smyth had in mind. As soon as I was naked, he asked me to bend over, said a short prayer and then encouraged me to pray out loud while he removed a cane from the stack. I was stunned by how hard he hit me that first time and gasped with what little breath I had left."

That was the first of the 8,000 or so strokes he would receive.

"Each and every stroke delivered with the same extraordinary ferocity. After 10 strokes, I felt my skin burn. After 20, I felt blood trickling down from my buttocks to my legs. At 30, he stopped and embraced me from behind, leaning against my back, nuzzling his face against my neck and whispering how proud he was of me.

"I never felt or saw him have an erection and he never touched me sexually, although he, too, was often naked and groaning in spiritual ecstasy while doing the beating. He did the same thing, pretty much every time."

The victim says he attended the Christian camps at Iwerne Minster in Dorset run by the Iwerne Trust, a Christian charity chaired by Smyth and where Justin Welby, the future Archbishop of Canterbury, worked as a young man and as an officer.

"In my case and to my knowledge, boys were never beaten there, only at Smyth's house. I never saw anyone other than Smyth beat anyone."

The beatings continued after he left Winchester and Smyth promised him a "special" beating for his 21st birthday, which drove the victim to despair.

He sent anonymous letters to both Smyth himself and to David Fletcher of the Iwerne Trust, threatening to expose Smyth to the press unless the beatings stopped immediately.

"Although both letters were received and read, neither produced any result. Days passed. The beating drew closer. I resolved to kill myself."

The victim has made suicide attempts and been treated for depression five times, once for two months.

"Only after the Channel 4 news reports were shown was I able to tell my story. I have been able to contact the police, and I now have the confidence to recognise that the cycle of my abuse is completing. That it had a beginning and is moving towards an end."

A prominent clergyman, Giles Fraser, also writes in The Guardian of how he suffered beatings during his public school education.

He says his problem is with the whole idea of evangelical decency. "It takes me back to the so-called decency of the man who caned me, and the sickness I felt in my stomach as a little boy, waiting outside that chapel in a gloomy wood-panelled corridor. This was more than 40 years ago – but I still don't have it in me to forgive him for what he did to me."

Fraser says the problem was deep in the educational philosophy of the public school system and the sort of men required to run the British empire.

"Often we would go to bed with underpants drenched in blood," writes Fraser.  "I was beaten like this throughout the 1970s, with canes and bats and shoes and clothes brushes, from the age of seven all the way through to when I was 12. The pain doesn't last so long. But a burning anger settles in your soul."

He says the idea that being beaten had moral, character-forming properties "cannot be understood without the rise of so-called muscular Christianity during the second half of the 19th century." Fearing effeminacy, the Protestant public school establishment promoted a version of "manly Christianity" through the character-forming powers of chapel, rugby and the cane, Fraser says.

Fraser writes: "The moral formation I received from my school beatings was almost entirely the opposite of what was intended."

Archbishop Welby clearly bears no responsibility for the behaviour of sadists in the 1970s, he adds.

"Nonetheless, his particular brand of Eton/Alpha Course Christianity is cut from the same cloth as the muscular Christianity of the 1850s. And this is why the Church of England hierarchy remains obsessed with maintaining the Anglican communion (ie what's left of the empire) – it is no coincidence that Smyth fled to Zimbabwe and South Africa – and why it can't get past an over-fascination with homosexuality.

"The archbishop is not to blame for Smyth's sins. But he is still too much a part

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From Violent Witchcraft To Christ: Young Man's True Story Of Transformation

Emmanuel used to be part of a violent witchcraft gang. His life was transformed through the work of the Bible Society.

A young man has shared of how his life was transformed from one of violent activity in a witchcraft gang to living a new life in relationship with Jesus.

Emmanuel, aged 16, from Congo Brazzaville was once lured into a violent witchcraft gang. At his initiation Emmanuel had to hold a venomous snake and chant strange prayers whilst other gang members cut into his arms "to make him strong," the Bible Society reports.

Emmanuel had been sent to an orphanage at age nine when his mother was too sick with AIDS to support him. At the orphanage Emmanuel was vulnerable and needed somewhere to belong. He was lured into a gang that promised magic powers and super strength found through special mantras and spells.

After initiation, Emmanuel was soon groomed into being a criminal. He was taught how to pickpocket and steal from street stalls. He began drinking and became increasingly violent. As the Bible Society said, "he'd beat up anyone if they had a disagreement."

Everything changed when Emmanuel met Jesus. The Bible Society visited his orphanage to run the Good Samaritan programme. The course uses the famous Biblical parable and interactive workshops to teach young people social values and how to be a "loving caring citizen".

At first Emmanuel was wary of the programme, and watched from the back, listening but not participating. Over time though, he heard more about Jesus, and began to engage more until his life was changed.

"The Good Samaritan showed me how to live differently" says 16 year-old Emmanuel.

"Now my life is very different," he says.

Emmanuel has been motivated by the parable of the Good Samaritan to help more at his orphanage.

"I went to a pastor and talked to him about the things I had been doing. I started praying and reading my Bible."

Emmanuel has now forgone his life of crime. He has cut ties with the witchcraft gang, and prays for them instead. He helps out with chores at the orphanage, teaches other young orphans football skills and serves as a mentor. He now studies hard at school, and hopes to become an accountant.

"I want to tell young people like me to avoid bad things and to accept Jesus Christ." Emmanuel says.

"I have done bad things. I have stolen from people and hurt people. But now I respect people because of Jesus."

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3 Things You Should Always Remember As A Christian

We humans are so forgetful that we tend to forget even the most sensible things in life. Examples: A man goes to the office and leaves the car key in the car key entry; a student goes to school and forgets his notebooks; a woman hurriedly orders her latté in a café, then forgets her change at the counter.

Worse, we often forget important things simply because we are preoccupied with less important matters. The man who left the car key didn't forget to ask the secretary for a cup of coffee; the student who left his notebooks didn't leave his smartphone; and the woman who forgot the change didn't forget to ask for no-whip cream, sugar-free latté. Oh yes, we are so distracted.

Forget Me Not

Knowing that we can be a people that can be easily distracted by the little things in life, it would be good to remember the most important things. As Christians, we aren't exempted: A pastor might forget his preaching notes; a worship leader might forget the lyrics; and the usher might forget to smile because a young child is crying.

Whatever it is that you might forget, make sure that it isn't one of these three things that all of us Christians should always remember.

1. God's Salvation Through Christ's Atoning Sacrifice On The Cross Of Calvary

    "Then He took the bread, and when He had given thanks, He broke it and gave it to them, saying, 'This is My body which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of Me.'" (Luke 22:19)

We who believe in Christ must never ever forget that our salvation, freedom, identity as God's children, and purpose in life can only be found in the finished work of Christ on the cross. It is so important to remember that Christ Jesus died and rose again from the grave that the Lord Himself would be the one to remind us of it in the Word.

2. Your Personal Testimony Of God's Goodness To You
    "For you were formerly darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light— for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth— 10 proving what is pleasing to the Lord." (Ephesians 5:8-9)

    "They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they loved not their lives unto the death." (Revelation 12:11)

We Christians must also never forget the goodness that God has shown to us. Through Christ, God has rescued us and set us free from the grip of sin and Satan, so that we could live free for Him who loved us. The moment we forget that we are already made new in Christ, we're going to be in a whole lot of trouble.

3. Christ's Imminent Return To Earth

    "Let us not forsake the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but let us exhort one another, especially as you see the Day approaching." (Hebrews 10:25)

We should always remind ourselves that Christ is coming back for His Bride. Although we are saved and are having a good time living as children of God in this world, we must always remember that we don't belong here. Like Paul, we must be "willing to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord." (see 2 Corinthians 5:8)

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How To Let Go Of An Offence Even When It's Hard To

Have you ever been so hurt that you felt it would be impossible for you to let go of the pain and the offence that your offender caused you? Many of us have experienced offences in our lives, and for many of us who have held on to the pain for quite a long time, we can all agree that the pain isn't helping us at all. Yet we keep holding on to it.

Dear reader, would you want to let go of an offence and the pain that it brought you, even when you find it hard to? Let me tell you how: Just let it go.

Letting It All Go

Some of you might be thinking, "Well, that's easy for you to say," and I truly understand you. As fallen men, we love to treasure ourselves: We love to hold on to that time before we were offended, to the imagined glory that we had before we were hurt. The thing is, this is what's holding you back from letting go of that pain and offence that you should have released a month ago. Or perhaps a decade ago.

"But I've been hurt so badly," you say. "I didn't deserve that pain," you explain. "I want to get back at my offender," you insist. My dear friend, don't. There's a better way to deal with it: Let God heal you.

Taking No Revenge

In Romans chapter 12, verses 19 and 21, the apostle Paul lovingly reminds us,

    "Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to God's wrath, for it is written: 'Vengeance is Mine. I will repay,' says the Lord ... Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

Paul reminds us that God doesn't want us taking revenge on any person who offends us. God, our Father, wants us to be holy and growing in Christ's character – full of strength under control, full of God's power showed in love, and full of God's mercy showed through grace.

Don't worry about the pain that you feel. God knows it. Christ experienced all the pain that He did not deserve so that you won't have to receive the full wrath of God that you deserved for your sins. He received the punishment for our sins so that we could receive the love that God wanted us to receive.

And yes, after He rose from the grave He even raised you up with Him and seated you beside Him in the heavenly realm (see Ephesians 2:6).

With this love and mercy we receive, God wants us to extend love and mercy to our offender. He wants us to forgive and move on in our lives.

And when we move on from the offence towards God's purpose, we will see greater things that we have never seen before:

    "Do not remember the former things nor consider the things of old. See, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not be aware of it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert." (Isaiah 43:18-19)

Let It Go

My dear friend, I don't know what offence was made against you, but I urge you to let it go unto God. He can heal you, give you more joy than you ever had, and can empower you to rise above the pain that you've encountered in your life.

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3 Bible Verses Encouraging Us To Strive For Holiness More Than Riches

Christians who have fully put their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ have been made into a new creation and are given a new identity: an identity as a child of God through Christ. With this new identity we are given new pursuits and ideals. One of these is to pursue holiness.

Pursuing God

The Lord Jesus Christ, frank as He is, warned us that in our pursuit of God we will face challenges. One of these is the challenge to pursue God and not money. In Matthew 6:24, He warned us,

    "No one can serve two masters. For either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will hold to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money."

Knowing this, we will do well to be fully aware if the master we are serving is God or riches. In the pursuit of riches and material gain, we will appear to have many possessions throughout our lifetime. But at the end of our lives we all know that we will part with them. And then will come the sad realisation that we should've lived for God.

Pursuing God, on the other hand, might appear boring and unappealing to many. But the truth is that it's the only pursuit that brings lasting satisfaction and overflowing contentment. And yes, this joy will never end, even if we face trials and hardships.

Pursue Holiness Over Riches

God, our Father, wants all of us to be like Him; He wants us all to be holy as He is holy (see 1 Peter 1:16). Our desire, then, should be the pursuit of holiness rather than the pursuit of riches and material gain.

To help you pursue God's holiness instead of worldly, material gain, here are some Bible verses for you.

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Can We Really Rely On God When Things Are Uncertain?

If there's anything that's certain, it's that there will always be uncertainty in life—in our finances, careers, relationships, ministries, vacations, future plans, and desires. In a world that screams out for security, nothing is ever 100 percent sure. We face only a certain level of security and certainty.

When uncertainty comes along, problems start to rise, not just externally but many times even more so internally. Anxiety, fear and doubt start to creep in. That's because one of the most basic needs we have is security. While this world is full of uncertainties, we can always find certainty in God.

Hosea 6:3 tells us, "Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth."

In God, there is always certainty. Here are three certain things that we know about God even in the most uncertain of times.

1. He Will Remain Steadfast

Through the sorrow and despair of Jeremiah's dirge, Lamentations 3:22-23 rings out this truth: "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

God's loves remains steadfast, meaning it stays the same yesterday, today and forever.

Even in our unfaithfulness, God's love faithfully remains true in our life. Even when we don't deserve it, God extends His grace and mercy. Our life, possessions, relationships and everything we have are proof that God's steadfast love remains. Even when we are unqualified, God's loving mercy abounds.

2. His Plans Will Prevail

Proverbs 19:21 says, "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand."

We all have plans of our own, but God's sovereign will is what will stand. Because He is all powerful, all knowing and all seeing, His ways go higher than ours.

This can either be an assurance to us when we lean on and trust in His sovereign will, or a loving warning if we don't walk in His will. God's plans will prevail and they remain for the overall good.

3. His Principles Will Stand

God's Word is filled with promises and principles that work through time and space. God has set up laws both natural and spiritual that automatically work whether we want it or not. Principles on finances, character, and so on will work for our good if we abide by them.

Principles such as sowing and reaping, doing good unto others, investing and relationships, and standing by purity and justice to gain favour all work to our advantage if we continue to follow God's ways.

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4 Ways We Get 'Being In The World, But Not Of It' Wrong

I grew up in youth ministry, and sermons and small group discussions on "being in the world but not of it" were a big thing for me. It seemed all too complicated a formula for me in the beginning, but soon enough I got a good grasp of it—but not before making some big blunders along the way.

I believe to be in the world is something that all Christians need to understand with precise clarity because we're all firmly called to still be in the world even though we're no longer of it. The greatest command Jesus ever gave us is evangelical in nature: "Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation." (Mark 16:15)

But what does it truly mean to be in the world but not of it? To understand what it means, we must understand what it doesn't mean. Here are four misconceptions some might have of the call to be in the world but not of it.

1. Doing What Everyone Does

The fine lines of remaining evangelical while also remaining consecrated many times lie on the things we are and are not to do. To remain evangelical might call us to be in certain places where the unchurched are. But it rarely calls us to do the things they do.

Doing things that aren't necessarily evil but aren't necessarily good won't help people get "a better feel of you because you're in."

2. Just Being 'There'

Another misconception of being called into the world is to simply be there. I understand the saying "all you have to do is love them." But love is not just a state of being. It's an action word. Simply just being in the clubs, the slums, or the streets won't do us any good if we just stand by and watch. We are called to be people of action, and our faith should compel us to act.

3. Telling People What To Do

In another extreme, there are those of us who bark scriptures at people. While we are not told to remain silent, preaching the gospel doesn't always work that way anymore.

It worked before and it still works in some instances today, but not all the time. Many times the early apostles and disciples would reach out to others by first building a genuine relationship with them before introducing Christ and His doctrine into their lives.

4. No Longer Connecting To A Church Community

I understand why we have to leave the comforts of our church community and bring the church to the unchurched. But every so often we also have to make it a point to come back and be replenished so we can continue with the work. We can't feed the starving when we're famished as well. As we go out into the world, we should remember to come back to fellowship and come into the presence of God once more to be recharged by the Holy Spirit so that we can do even greater things.

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ISIS Chops Off Hands Of 2 Kids In Front Of Their Families For Refusing Order To Kill Captives

Three boys aim their rifles in this screenshot from a Jan. 8, 2017 ISIS propaganda video showing these 'Cubs of the Caliphate' executing three men for allegedly spying for Kurdish forces in Syria.

They knew they would be severely punished for refusing to obey orders. Despite this, two child soldiers of the Islamic State (ISIS) bravely dared to refuse a direct order from their superiors for them to carry out the execution of two civilian captives.

The punishment for disobedience could be considered "lenient" in ISIS terms—the two loss only their hands, not their heads.

In a sketchy report with an accompanying photo released on Thursday, Iraqi News said "members of the Islamic State terrorist group amputated the hands of two children, for refusing to carry out the execution sentence on two civilians in front of their families."

Citing a local source, the Iraqi online news outlet said the two children who were meted the hand amputation punishment were aged 10 and 12 years old.

They were part of a group of children based in ISIS camps in Nineveh, Iraq, the report said.

These "Cubs of the Caliphate" have been featured in ISIS propaganda videos carrying out executions of the jihadist group's captives.

In December 2016, an apprehended would-be suicide bomber described how the ISIS leadership is training children to fill the group's depleted ranks as their fighters come under relentless attacks from Iraqi and other coalition forces.

The 15-year-old Iraqi boy named Mahmoud Ahmed had second thoughts in carrying out a suicide mission in Kirkuk, Iraq in August last year. He was subsequently arrested by Kurdish forces.

Ahmed confessed that he was one of dozens of other children who were being indoctrinated in jihadist doctrine and trained as young warriors.

Kurdish intelligence officials said there are thousands of other children across Iraq and Syria who are being trained by ISIS to fight and carry out suicide attacks. Some of the children are as young as nine years old, the officials added.

One of the officials said ISIS is using child soldiers because they are harder to detect by enemy forces and because they are also easily duped.

In November 2016, ISIS released a video showing children and pensioners being forced to carry out executions of prisoners.

The video also showed ISIS leaders crucifying alleged traitors in a bid to terrorise the remaining population under their control.

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Fancy Applying To Be The Next Bishop Of London? Here Are 50 Tips To Help You Decide

The Bishop of London's farewell service at St Paul's.

 

 Now the Bishop of London has said "goodbye", the Church will soon advertise the job. Christian Today has decided to help out. Here are 50 vital tips to help you decide whether you have the gifts to be the next Richard Chartres.

1. The ability to work miracles. Real ones. While believing totally in science.

2. You must manifest all the gifts of the Spirit listed in 1 Corinthians 12 except speaking in tongues – that would be suspect.

3. You will have mastered the art of ordaining women while not ordaining them.

4. Likewise with gays.

5. You are up with the "young" – ie you use Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube and Houseparty all at the very same time – while not upsetting your own children or the comms staff at Church House.

6. You have a wondrous ability to talk to the Royal Family – but never ever say a word about them.

7. You can communicate everything important to any congregation in a single monosyllable such as "er".

8. You can deliver very long sentences packed with sub-clauses and multi-syllabic words such as "Augustinian" and "patriarchal" while actually saying absolutely nothing at all.

9. You talk about God the whole time. And Jesus. But you absolutely never say "Oh God!"

10. "Oh Heavens!" is permitted from time to time.

11. You are fluent in Russian, Arabic, Punjabi, Biblical Hebrew, modern Hebrew, classical Greek and modern Greek. Alternatively, you are familiar with Google Translate. No need to worry about Latin any more though.

12. You can quote from the 1552 Book of Common Prayer. It's not enough just to know the 1662.

13. But you never admit to having having read, used or liked in any form the 1980 Alternative Service Book, let alone having served on one of the committees responsible for its formulation.

14. Are you common enough for Common Worship?

15. You understand when and how to make the Sign of the Cross in Orthodox and Catholic Churches. And what to do when evangelicals are watching you do this.

14. You have done or are willing to do at least one Music And Worship course at the London School of Theology. You know at least three chords on the guitar. You know which three. 

'"You know at least three chords on the guitar. You know which three."

 

 15. You have mastered the saintly attribute of translocation and can therefore visit every parish and speak to every vicar in your diocese in the first six months.

16. You know the name of every archdeacon in your own and each neighbouring diocese, especially Southwark. You already know exactly what if anything they know about you, and who does and does not care about faculties. You don't care about them much but you pretend you do, especially to your chancellor.

17. If you can't face learning the names of all your clergy, in London you can simply call them 'Father'. The women too. Go on, we dare you.

18. You have a working acquaintance with the key operatives of the City of London police, the Metropolitan police and all the security services. Be prepared to watch them as hard as they'll be watching you.

19. You can talk about how God loves both Jeremy Corbyn and Donald Trump, and can see the good in them in spite of their regrettably manifest flaws. But secretly, you're wondering who's really in charge at the moment.

20. You understand how women's shoes work and why they are important.

21. You are married to a member of the opposite sex, and have children.

22. You might be gay. This does not necessarily negate 21.

23. You have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ

24. Do you know about Gog and Magog, the idols kept at the Guildhall in the City of London that lead the procession in the annual Lord Mayor's Show? Best find out sooner rather than later.

 

 

Sermons: Keep them short and holy, and know when to deliver a 'homily' intead

 

 25. Sermons. Short and holy, unless you're called Rowan Williams, when long and holy is the rule. It's quite a good idea never to write them down or put them on YouTube. That way you can repeat them and no-one need ever know.

26. You have a theological argument for why you prefer Benedict to Francis.

27. You have a spiritual argument for why you prefer Francis to Benedict.

28. You are on Twitter and Facebook but you don't follow Donald Trump and you never tweet or comment on anyone's status. It's probably best if you don't actually read your own Twitter feed.

29. If you're having a bad day, read the Twitter feed of @JustinWelby and pray for him.

30. Never wear a clerical collar.

31. Always wear a clerical collar. Never refer to yours or anyone else's as a dog collar.

32. Always wear a black cassock shirt

33. Always wear a light blue cassock shirt

34. Never wear a bright pink cassock shirt

35. Learn the difference between a chasuble, amice, cincture, dalmatic, cassock alb, surplice, soutane and stole.

36. If in Italy visiting the Pope, would you order zucchetti or zucchetto for dinner? That's what we would ask you if we were on your interview committee.

37. Do you know the difference between east and west and why it matters which way you pray?

38. Learn to sprinkle that aspergillum and swing that thurible. You'll never be as bishopy as Richard Chartres but you will be expected to try, just so congregations can grumble that you're not as bishopy as Richard Chartres.

39. Know the difference between Shia and Sunni, when a temple is not a temple but a synagogue, when a Reform Jew is a liberal and when they are a conservative, and why it is all so different in America.

40. You can discern at a glance when a church is not a church any more but a block of flats, or when is still a church but not consecrated as a church because it's owned by a trust or Andrew Lloyd Webber or something that means you can still use it as a church but not put on musicals ...... oh I give up. But you can't give up. Ever.

41. Develop a relationship with former Times editor Simon Jenkins and study his books so you can talk knowledgeably about the historic merits of all your medieval churches and cathedrals and know more about places such as Salisbury, Ely and Winchester than their own bishops do.

42. Of course you know the difference between St Paul's Cathedral and Westminster Abbey. Don't you? One is yours and one is the Queen's. It's all rather Peculiar.

43. Actually St Paul's is not yours either. It belongs to the Dean. Oh alright, and the Chapter too. Even though you live in the Old Deanery. You have to knock very loudly even to be allowed in. Three times. But at least you don't have to pay. At least not if you're going in to pray. Which you will need to do often.

44. If a terror group bombs one of your historic churches into smithereens, don't for even a microsecond feel secretly relieved you have one less building to worry about it. Raise the cash to rebuild it as fast as possible, even if you suspect that Jesus would rather you spend the money on building houses for the poor.

45. Talking of St Paul's, it's worth becoming familiar with the works of John Donne. But be very, very careful which bits you quote in sermons.

46. As so many of your churches in London are used for meetings of 12-step fellowships such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, you must be "with the programme" – but preferably but not "on" it. Not in "that" way anyway. You must certainly believe in a "Higher Power" but make no bones about it – this can't be "Good Orderly Direction" or any other such syncretistic nonsense. It must be Jesus Christ.

47. Sometimes, you might have to talk to journalists. Be brave. After all, Jesus supped with sinners. Then there's always Luther Pendragon so it's not completely hopeless.

48. Learn some good jokes but never use the joke about the bishop who says: "There's something wrong with this microphone" and the congregation that replies: "And also with you." This betrays familiarity with the ASB (See 13).  Resist the temptation to repeat that joke about the Church of England being like a swimming pool, with all the noise being at the shallow end. If you use this one, you are doomed.

49. Do you know the difference between St Paul's Knightsbridge, All Saints Margaret Street, St Helen's Bishopsgate, Holy Trinity Brompton, the Vineyard churches and Hillsong? Do you know which are CofE and which are not? Do you understand in which ones you preach a homily and in which ones, a sermon? Do you know who among your friends and colleagues is a conservative evangelical, a charismatic evangelical, a liberal Catholic, an Anglican-Catholic? Or do you secretly pretend these differences do not exist or matter? Surely even you can't truly honestly believe that we are all just "middle of the road" Anglicans.

50. General Synod. 'Nuff said. Welby and Sentamu will tell you that you have to go. They might want you there to keep them company. It's pretty lonely on that top table. But actually you need never go. All the real work is done these days by the Archbishops' Council, and you're not an Archbishop. Yet. Read and learn these 50 tips, though, and you might be one day. Good luck, God bless, and prayers. You're gonna need them!

If you can't learn the names of all your clergy, you can simply call them 'Father'. The women too? Go on, we dare you.

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